hetalia_kink

Shit. This wasn't supposed to turn serious. Sorry OP!



ten responses to that super-soldier incident we're not going to mention EVER again



i.

"Oh, no." Brazil says. "Oh, hell no. You're not blaming this on me."

The rest of the South American nations shift uncomfortably until Uruguay elbows his twin, who wrings her hands distressedly. "It's just that we've all seen the movie."

"And the secret labs were all in your rainforests," Peru says. "At least we think they were."

Chile nods earnestly. "And it's not like we're going to blame you for the whole homicidal dictator thing. Or uh, other questionable political choices," he adds hastily, because Venezuala's starting to glare at him.

Brazil puts his head in his hands and thinks impolite things about Argentina, who's delicately scooting her chair away from his. "Fine. Blame aside, what do we do about it?"

"Tell the rest of the world that a bunch of fascist supersoldiers escaped from the Amazon?"

Everyone, her brother included, turns and stares at Paraguay. Argentina is rubbing her temple. Ecuador looks about three seconds away from throttling the entire continent.

Paraguay sinks down in her seat until only her head is visible over the top of the table.

"Or not," she says.



ii.

At first, Japan's not entirely sure why he wakes up to surrounded by his neighbors, most of whom are pointing guns at him.

"We're going to talk about prosperity spheres," China says.

"And how they belong in the past tense," Hong Kong adds.

"And how you'd better not be hiding any supersoldiers too," Korea finishes.

Japan gives this due consideration, and then settles for taking the diplomatic approach and looking at them all like they've lost their minds.

They fill him in eventually, after Taiwan and the Philippines and both Indonesia siblings have finished rummaging through his belongings to his satisfaction and declared him supersoldier free. They even mostly lower their guns, although China continues to look particularly twitchy.

Japan's going to find whomever did this. And then they're going to have words.



iii.

"This?" Canada says. "Is disturbing."

America doesn't argue with him. He just shifts restlessly in his uniform and thinks of all the ways he's totally not cut out to be a spy. Especially one pretending to be the genetically-engineered follower of an equally genetically-engineered genocidal madman. The fact that he looks the part isn't helping at all.

"Why can't you do this?" he whines at Canada. "I feel creepy!"

The third person in the room reaches up and absently slaps him upside the head. "That's the point," Mexico says. "We need to fix this before our bosses find out."

"And before you have to ask the cartels for help," Canada adds, at which point Mexico slaps him too.

America frowns down at himself. His hand twitches; he wants to cover up the symbol sewn on his arm, but that'd be a dead giveaway.

No, he doesn't want his boss finding out. Or any of the ex-bosses, for that matter. Them being universally appalled is the one thing he knows he can count on.

"Can I at least keep the glasses?" he asks.

Canada and Mexico glare at him in unison.

"Aw, man."

iv.

India doesn't ask anyone for help, although she doesn't say no when Pakistan stops threatening her long enough to offer to close certain key borders. Instead she puts on a beautiful, delicate sari and wears her best jewelry and stands in the middle of a dusty road, waiting until a cleverly-disguised transport truck stops rather than run her over.

The soldiers are big and strong and impressive, although their would-be leader doesn't seem to be among them. India waits for them to surround her. She listens to their threats. She glances at their guns.

"I think we need to talk about misappropriating words," she says. "'Aryan,' for starters."

Then she smiles.

Some time later, when there's a lot of dead men around her and the rest fleeing for their lives, she sighs and absently dusts her hands off and wishes she'd worn something a bit more practical. Cleaning this up is going to ruin her clothes.

At least she got a free truck out of the deal.



v.

There's something Finland likes about sitting in trees, even in the dead of winter. It's comforting and safe and it gives him an excellent view.

He just wishes that these soldiers would stop spoiling it. Really, where do they get the idea that they'd be welcome here?

Maybe it's the death metal. All that screeching can't be good for people.

He wishes Hanatamago would stop chewing on his gloves, too.

"I knew I should've left you with Sweden," he mutters, but he tucks the little dog in his coat before going back to sighting down his rifle, shifting his grip ever so slightly, and firing.

Suddenly the landscape looks just a little bit better.



vi.

Some of the soldiers try to set up a covert base near Moscow.

No one ever finds out what happened to them.



vii.

Anyone with half a brain will admit that Israel is a tough little bastard. When he realizes he's cornered and unarmed - and really, what kind of person ambushes a country in the middle of breakfast - he does quite a lot of damage to the men sent to kill him, to his furniture, and even to the wall.

It probably says something about him that eight supersoldiers - engineered for strength and blind hate-fuelled loyalty, even - can't take him down.

This would comfort him a lot more if there weren't ten of them.

He's in deep shit, he realizes as he stares up at the angry blank-eyed soldiers who aren't even people anymore, and he fumbles for something that will serve as a decent weapon of last resort.

Fortunately that's about the point when someone behind the soldiers goes "oh fuck this" and bashes one of them upside the head.

Israel blinks, but takes that as his cue to disarm the other one. Painfully.

When he's got a foot between the man's shoulderblades and two confiscated guns pointed at the back of his skull - and look, he isn't firing, he does too have restraint - he finally risks a glance over at his not-really rescuer, because he had the situation totally under control thank you very much.

Then he blinks again.

"You know," he says slowly, "you're the last person I expected to be on my side."

Palestine grins at him in a not-terribly-nice way and kicks the other supersoldier in the head. "I'm not exactly blond and blue-eyed either, you know." She holds out her hand. "I know you have overcompensation issues, but are you seriously gonna use both of those?"

There's a long, tense silence, but then Israel sighs and tosses her one of the guns, which she catches expertly - and maybe it's the adrenaline rush from temporarily escaping certain death or maybe it's the fact that he knows he has an ally, albeit one he'll probably go back to hating when this insanity sorts itself out, but he finds himself grinning back at her. It's not very nice either.

Palestine produces another gun from somewhere - honestly, he doesn't want to know where she hides those things - and slings both over her shoulders like some kind of action hero. "Bet I can kill more than you."

"Like hell you can," Israel says.

viii.

Truth be told, Austria's surprised how well everyone got their act together. The would-be supersoldiers never even make it to Germany; if there's one thing the world can agree on, it seems, it's that certain things should never be repeated, at any cost.

He's equally surprised when some of the fleeing soldiers turn up in his home, asking his far-right fringe for some sort of assistance.

Austria is not Hungary. He is also not Prussia - and thank God for small favors - and he's not Switzerland, so he doesn't have guns or knives handy.

He does, however, take a special amount of pleasure in pulling a glove over one hand, looking down his nose at the nearest soldier, and calmly and deliberately punching the man in the face.



ix.

"You can try shaving the mustache. Not that it'll help."

There are just two of them here, a man and a boy standing where one of many many villages used to be sixty years ago. The man is angry and worn and mad and terrible; the boy is wearing something bright and colorful and keeps examining his fingernails.

"You," the man says.

The boy grins at him. His hair's grown back and one can barely see what's on his forearm these days.

"Yep," he says. "Me."

"You're going to kill me."

The boy's expression doesn't change, but there's something terrible about it now.

"Nah," he says. "You, like, haven't seen how much you totally failed yet."

The man stares at him.

"I'm gonna let you live," the boy says.



x.

It's much later. The soldiers are gone. The bosses are thankfully, blessedly clueless - except possibly one of Russia's, but Putin sort of knows everything anyway. Everyone's finally stopped giving Brazil the cold shoulder. Israel and Palestine get together to drink each other under the table and bitch about their various extremists every second Thursday. America's still refusing to wear anything that remotely resembles a uniform.

Germany is looking in a cell. His face is unreadable.

"I'm finished with you," he says.

He turns on his heel and doesn't look back.

From cracky hilarious amongst the South Americans, to downright scary and creepy near the end. Awesome!

Anon loves you for all the nations you included, OCs too! You just made them all the more awesome!!! \o/

Each part has a certain ring to it, from Finland's snipping, to Russia's no-one-ever-knows-what-happened-to-them, to Austria's punch, to Israel and Palestine's short teamwork, to... EVERYTHING!

(first filler anon here)

This is really well done. I mean, I'm sure you knew that, but it deserves saying.

I think the increasing seriousness as you spiral into the (geographic) center of the European theatre of conflict is perfectly appropriate - the South Americans of course don't want to get caught, and of course everyone else has bigger things to deal with.

"And how they belong in the past tense," Hong Kong adds.
You pleased my little Asian Studies major soul with this line (and the line before it).

America's discomfort with wearing a Nazi uniform is appropriate, I think, and even if the scene is done lightly there's something very dark about his reaction.

And, meep, casually terrifying sniper!Finland!

if there weren't ten of them.
You have subverted the law of conservation of ninjutsu! Congrats! Also, girl!Palestine and boy!Israel becoming friends after she saves his life yay!
(Somehow I suddenly want to request Israel and Palestine as bad housemates fic. This is all your fault.)

in pulling a glove over one hand,
...most people take their gloves off, Austria. ♥

"You, like, haven't seen how much you totally failed yet."
Why oh why is this more terrifying in a valley girl accent? (Also, your description of resurrected!Hitler here is very striking)

Putin sort of knows everything anyway
♥♥♥

(and I can't think of any words for the next one)


"I'm finished with you," he says.

Asian Co-prosperity Sphere, uh-huh. Bravo, bravo!

Austria won't have none of it. He must have super strength.

Poland, oh Poland. He doesn't take it seriously, or acts like it isn't serious to piss off the old man.

Third fill?!

This OP is far too happy! Thank you so much!

Loved every word!

This is perfection. You handled the subject gracefully but honestly.

My favourite parts:

He does, however, take a special amount of pleasure in pulling a glove over one hand, looking down his nose at the nearest soldier, and calmly and deliberately punching the man in the face.

Because Austria would not make the same mistake twice and would kick those bastards' ass. With class

"You," the man says.

The boy grins at him. His hair's grown back and one can barely see what's on his forearm these days.

"Yep," he says. "Me."

"You're going to kill me."

The boy's expression doesn't change, but there's something terrible about it now.

"Nah," he says. "You, like, haven't seen how much you totally failed yet."

The man stares at him.

"I'm gonna let you live," the boy says.

You know, Poland is a bad ass motherfucker. The little thing has survived everything . It has been partitioned, invaded, assaulted, killed... and it is still standing. Bravo, Author!Anon

Germany is looking in a cell. His face is unreadable.

"I'm finished with you," he says.

Perfect. Pure IC and so right. You don't need more words to express Germany's disgust.

Also, in a totally selfish way, I love that Argentina (my country!) is a woman and is somehow elegant. It makes this vain anon happy.

This is just way too amazing for words. The hilarity and the seriousness are wonderfully balenced, but what I adored most of all about this enitre fill was Poland's bit.
From the description of the two characters to the dialogue, it was perfect. And Poland's punishment was just- just- it leaves me speechless, really it does. I do NOT have words for how ABSOLUTELY THRILLING that moment was, so I abused capslock.
Simply breathtaking.

Everything above anons said and more. This fill is just too brilliant for words and I can't even completely pinpoint why. The mixture of humour and seriousness and how when the same threat comes up again, the nations know how to deal with it. Germany's part at the end was perfect because I felt that was so terribly IC of him. And Poland's part was just made of awesome.

For such a small amount of words, you've managed to cover a lot and this is one of my favourite fills on the meme.